Things That Keep Me Awake at Night

Mainly, fears that, despite all the actual good music out there, this is the music our generation will be remembered for:

1. Boy bands. Although our generation did not invent the boy band (We can't honestly claim New Kids on the Block, Take That, or Menudo [Not that we'd want to]), we certainly perfected the "art" of the boy band. Just look at the sheer hordes of them that emerged in the late 90's: The Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync, 98 Degrees, 5ive, Westlife, Boyzone, Code Red...I mean, geez, England was manufacturing those things like...Well, I actually have no accurate comparison for that as I'm not exactly sure what England manufactures besides bland food. And sure, we all laugh now, but how many of us out there can honestly say we didn't rock out whenever any of the above came on the radio back in the day? The fact that you find yourself subconsciously singing along whenever "I Want It That Way" comes on over the sound system in the grocery store shows how deeply boy bands infiltrated our generation.
   
2. Britney Spears. Honestly. I said from the beginning that she was a no-talent skank from the trailer park, and guess who was right in the end? *raises hand* But she has become a cultural icon--The mother of Kevin Federline's babies is easily the most recognizable pop reference of our generation! She's constantly parodied on late-night TV, referred to in songs (such as Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me"), mentioned periodically in TV shows and movies, for God's sake, she's even corrupted musical theater! (A line in Spamalot's "Diva's Lament" references her.) And she can't sing a note.
   
3. American Idol. As if it wasn't enough that boy bands were being manufactured according to a set formula (on a great tangent, anyone else remember 2gether?), we had to make a show that makes the prefabrication of a pop star the #1 show on TV. Whatever happened to, I don't know, people working to get famous? And, no, kissing up to a snotty British dude does not count as work. You know what I mean by work: Writing your own music, playing your own instruments, peddling your wares to record labels, having talent...Seriously, if our last elections showed anything, America as a whole makes stupid decisions! Why, then, do we rely on the multitudes who watch Fox (of all networks) to decide the face of American music for a year??
4. "My Humps." No, not my...I'll stop that dumb joke right now. Seriously, though, future generations will remember us as the era that brought the phrase "lovely lady lumps" into the English language, and I for one am ashamed of that.
   

That's all I've got, but if that's not enough to give you nightmares for a week, then you are fearless.